if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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