I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
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So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
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Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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