he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize