I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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