I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
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He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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