"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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