Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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