Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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