I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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