I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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