I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize