WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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