Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
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Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
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Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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