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Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Randomize
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