Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
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Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
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Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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