no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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