can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize