A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
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I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
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my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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