Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize