Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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