Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
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Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
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stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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