i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
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i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
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That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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