im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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