he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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