woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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