just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
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I need a burrito and a hug.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
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I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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