bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
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He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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