Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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