It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
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Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
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There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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