How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He better not be in your backpack
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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