just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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