i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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