i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Randomize