I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize