a search helicopter?!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
How external is "for external use only"?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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