if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
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they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
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just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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