Yo dont text me then not text me
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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