I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
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Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
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We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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