I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize