You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
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My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
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Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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