I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize