peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
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Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
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We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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