Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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