if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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