I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
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I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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