I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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