How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
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He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
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Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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