You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
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the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
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Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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