I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize