i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize